What Exactly Do We Need To Invest In Creating A Good Impression?

Creating a good impression is something we learn from an early age that to get on in life and in our work we’ve got to create the right impression but what is it about connections that make them lasting, deep and meaningful. Why are some exchanges profoundly positive and memorable  and why are there so many disconnects in our society today?

Rapport is the art of building empathy and trust with another, its the ability to really tune in, listen and be fully present with someone , acknowledging them fully.  With rapport comes cooperation and let’s face it most business decisions are made on the basis of rapport rather than any real  technical merit. We know that word of mouth counts . Being effective at rapport-building doesn’t mean you have to meet a like-minded individual, though that helps, of course because that is largely effortless.

In many ways we’re more connected than ever with our technological gadgets and cheap mobile phone packages but somehow we’ve lost the art of meaningful conversations and we appear to have lost sight of intimate connections.

Too often, we’re elsewhere in our minds, our eyes are diverted and distracted by  the latest text download and we’re in too much of a hurry to dish out quick advice and platitudes. We want to talk about ourselves, our experiences and what’s going on for us, hardly effective in creating a good impression.

From a business perspective, I ‘m astounded by how many people keep their mobiles switched on in interviews and important face to face meetings. When we don’t devote our time to who we’re with we can easily come across as arrogant, its just like sending a signal to them that your own time is  more important than theirs, hardly a winning impression.

Giving people  permission to be who they are without the  trying and the superficial trivialities is the best gift you  can give anyone.

Your kids don’t want more stuff they want your TIME.

The same goes for your partner and your employees if you have any.

They want to know you care and that only comes around when you develop the art of becoming fully invested in the present moment energetically. People sense when you’re in your own head or elsewhere. Clever as we think we might be we give these little signs away easily within our tone of voice or body language.

So be energetically engaged in your conversations and fully invested in them, be compassionate and most of all be generous.

 Creating A Good Impression In Business.

Ironically rapport isn’t only a person to person thing. Many businesses have discovered to their peril that when an organisation gets to a certain size and complexity its internal cohesion begins to suffer. Without any decent amount of rapport at the heart of all leaders, styles become inflexible, intolerant and bureaucratic. The culture becomes fragmented and they hardly create a good impression.

One of the basic tenants of NLP (short for Neuro-linguistic programming) is that the language we use shapes and influences our experiences. Its a reflection of the way we think . Consider the common term human resources verses human potential or personnel. Whilst both terms are used in business, one implies an altogether more positive and enlightened way of managing people!

Our delivery of language based on the context of the conversation needs to be correctly pitched, in other words its about our vocal tone and tempo along with our body language and words we use. If these three factors are not in accord then we’re hardly congruent and people will sense this very quickly.

So next time you want to create a good impression, possibly even a winning one, be authentic, be present in every aspect  and most of all be interested in your audience !

If you would like to transform the results you’re getting in life , deepen your relationships or build an altogether greater level of self  confidence then I invite you to get in touch and we’ll have you creating a great, let alone,  a good impression in no time at all.

Career changes are often a sign that something is missing from your life , you feel that work could be more rewarding in so many ways.

Many people struggle with finding their life’s work, call it soul purpose, life purpose , calling or the work you were born to do.

Think of it as the icing on the cake , the sun in your day, the fairytale happy ever ending that you’d longed for as a child BUT wait…….. getting to that place of clarity in what you’re supposed to be doing, then doing it and meeting with a degree of success on your path is going to take a while. After all, its called your life work for a reason, distinct from a  job or career.

After all, the reward is getting to do what you love to do every day..right?

 Changing Careers Verses Life Purpose.

As an ex-recruitment professional I find it fascinating that so many people put up with unfulfilling work for so long (I did too for a couple of years ) until finally doing something about it. Many, sadly, never do and live out their existence waiting for happier times to come in retirement or just bounce from one career change to another without giving enough thought to what they really want to be doing.

So what stops us taking that leap of faith?

1. No clue at all about the work you should be doing. I find this a cop out actually because everyone knows deep down what lights them up if they give sufficient time to reflect upon it.
2. Fear…..a biggy, holds you back, keeps you down and leads you to believe that you’ll never make it  because you’ll never be good enough.
3. Living for others, people -pleasing in the end leads to resentment and depletes you, don’t do it, you’re worth more !
4. Never having the time to get round to finding out. In a nutshell you’re chasing and focusing on the wrong things.
5. The money’s too good to walk away from, another big hook to keep YOU stuck,  (been there too !) particularly, if work is generally ok and comfortable or you bounce from one career change to the next with the primary focus of improving your earnings. I spent many hours with lawyers hearing how unfulfilled they were and how they’d gotton into the profession because of the pay and prospects and work but what’s the point of having plenty of cash if you’re miserable and unfulfilled in what you do?

 20 Signs  that you’re on the Path to Purposeful Work Not Just Changing Careers.

1.    You’re scared shitless. (but in a good way!)

2.    You begin to observe that life seems to be falling into place and your experience and work up to this point has served a purpose of sorts to prepare you for what is coming.

3.    Syncronicty is a regular ocurrance in your world and you know that this is a supportive Universe out to assist you.

4.    Mood swings, ridiculous highs and lows yet a certain knowing that you’ve got to keep going whatever the uncertainty is about the future.

5.    Life lessons and incidents that have caused you past pain suddenly make sense, part of the growing towards meeting your purpose.

6.    Magical things start happening, and although you feel a sense of wonder, you’re not surprised.

7.    Out of your comfort zone completely even though a natural talent for what you do is steering you.

8.   Your loved ones and friends think you’ve totally lost the plot and occasionally you ponder whether they might just be right.

9.  You’re attracting different kinds of people and mixing in  a wide variety of new circles.

10.  You’ll risk everything to make it happen.

11.  Lonliness occasionally kicks in.

12.  You have no intention of retiring.

13.  You feel spiritually connected.

14.  Money flows in just when you need it.

15.  You talk about your work a lot and are in grave danger of boring your mates .

16.   You have more energy and better health.

17.  There’s a certain radiance about you that others mention.

18.  You get emotional, totally exhilirated for no explainable reason at all.

19. It consumes your every thought.

20.  Just when you think that you’re pushed to the end of the line and start to begin to question whether its all been really worth it, everything fall into place.

So there you have it 20 signs that you have found your life’s work. If you don’t relate to even a quarter of these then maybe its time to consider where your passions lie. Unstoppable people create unstoppable momentum in the world and have a ball doing it. If you’ve got that Monday morning feeling about your career then it might just be time to seek a career change and life transition that gets you on your path to purposeful work so drop us a line and we’ll start by identifying your primary intrinsic motivations.

Enjoy this, we hope so and we’d be ever so grateful if you’d share for us.

To grow you've got to be prepared to leave shore.

Image: Victor Habbick / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Personal Growth Is A Journey And We’re Guaranteed To Hit A Few Icebergs On The Way!

This weeks post is inspired by the 100 year celebrations this month of the  sinking of the Titanic where 1,509 of its 2214 passengers perished. This was mainly  a result of not having enough lifeboats on board to accommodate everyone. They report that the water temperature was actually -2 degrees resulting in most dying from hypothermia. The survival rates were 72% for women, 50% for children and 19% for men with most of the survivors coming from first class, then second and finally third.

It was a disaster that didn’t need to happen and offers much for us to learn about human nature. A 100 years later fast forward to 2012 and the more recent Concordia incident mirrors many of the mistakes that led to Titanics downfall concluding that we can have all the proper health and saftety equipment in place but if our attention is not in the right place then nothing can avoid disaster.

Personal growth starts with self knowledge.

In order to release our potential its important for us to understand firstl and foremost where we want to go and where we are now. Getting clear on which direction we’re headed in starts with an intimate reflection and study of who we really are deep down. The more we understand ourselves the better able we’ll be to set course and navigate through those choppy waters of life. Inner contemplation builds the mechanism and courage to know when to turn against the tide and  when its time to flow with the tide.

Personal growth is about listening for the signs.

The Titanic crew received six warnings of ice on the day of the collision, all of them ignored by the wireless operator who was primarily absorbed with transmitting passengers messages. Its crew was equally preoccupied by its prime objective of breaking a new speed record. When we’re on a path of personal growth and development its so important to remain open and flexible to what’s happening. We can only do this with a quiet mind and a focus on living in the present moment , free from the day to day distractions and past emotions  that scramble our thinking and keep us stuck in an old way of being.  We all have signs everywhere pointing the way ahead if we  only stop and take the time to notice them. When we activate our heart’s desire and build positive pictures in our mind of where we want to go we activate our reticular activating system. Think of this as your very own satellite navigation system, a tool of the unconscious mind, that when programmed effectively never fails us.

Fastest is not always best, there are plenty of coaches and self help gurus advocating success in record breaking days or weeks but real personal development and growth comes around when we understand the lesson because we’ve integrated it into our life. Doing does not always lead to progress, first we need to get clarity on why we do what we do and then find a better way of meeting our needs that helps us meet theirs at the same time.

Personal growth starts below the tip of the iceberg.

Titanic completely overlooked the Iceberg because it wasn’t that visible, it was almost like a mirror with only 10% of its mass showing above the water surface. Its possible that the crew were actually looking right at it without fully seeing it.

We each have our very own icebergs to melt. Under the surface of our natures we realise we have all the potential we need to thrive in life. Our conscious mind is what’s visible to us but its in our unconscious mind where all the real treasure can be found.

Let’s refer to this as intuitive intelligence which is the ability to listen to one’s heart and follow a hunch but employ our highest faculties of will and reasoning to turn this into a reality.

Insights from neuro-science now show us how the brain processes emotions. It is estimated that up to 95% of our emotions, decisions and behaviours are the result of unconscious mental processing and conditioning. That’s why it can sometimes feel like achieving success in our work or life can feel like pushing water up hill.

At a conscious level we may tell ourselves the right messages and we may have all the appropriate skills and knowledge to be effective yet there is a gap and sometimes it is gaping. This is because we don’t believe it’s possible at an unconscious level and we don’t even realise we’re thinking this way. We end up settling and working harder and longer to hit the elusive goal or worst still might totally sabotage our efforts.

So we’ve got to ensure we eradicate any self limiting beliefs that show up on our journey so they don’t sink us in Titanic fashion.

Personal Growth is about shedding the ego.

It doesn’t matter how flash we look, and what we say about our abilities. We can have the latest technologies and gadgets, the best paying customers along with the most confident swagger in the world and whilst they all help in the end  its really about what we do with what we’ve got. In whatever capacity we work or serve others we must focus on them not us. We must learn to be humble servants and we must learn to walk our talk by aligning our actions and behaviors with our deepest values and beliefs. The more we can align our personality with our souls the better we are able to soar above the petty and egotistical natures that keep us trapped in the false believe of a seperate and scarce world.

Personal growth is about learning to keep moving.

When the first officer Murdock, saw the iceberg he did what he was trained to do. He put the engines in reverse and started turning away from the iceberg. Its natural to hit the breaks but this might actually have sealed its fate. Apparently ships move more quickly in forward motion. Sometimes, therefore, the best reaction might be to get our foot on the gas. Reaching one’s potential and living a purposeful life can be challenging in more ways than one. It’s easy to halt our momentum at the first sign of danger or when we doubt ourselves the most but victory often comes after a series of many small steps that leads to one major tipping point. Getting started is always the more challenging aspect of the journey, once we’re at sea its about learning to harness all the forces of nature and utilising our own internal compass to take us to new lands of discovery.

Personal Growth is about supporting others and being supported.

We are never alone even if at times it might feel like that. Whilst many of the stories relating to the Titanic disaster reveal the more selfish aspect of human nature I am heartened by the less well documented tales of how some passengers heroically gave up their lives for others and how their bravery led to the survival of some. It reveals a more altruistic and fearless side to human nature which I believe the majority  of individuals have at their core . Giving to others always leads to growth and progress  in ourselves provided we can do this without an expectation or neediness to be reciprocated.

Find people who will positively support your goals and who have an understanding of where you’re trying to get to because they’ve likely been there first and understand the territory then connect with them and ask them for support.

For more personal development tips on how to thrive rather than survive in life and be unstoppable be sure to subscribe here and if you’ve enjoyed this then we’d be grateful if you could share for us.

The Introvert Leader Has A Wealth of Talents To Offer The World.

The intovert leader might just have come of age.In a world totally obsessed with charisma and star quality and the age of the personality politician and business leader consider this question….have we  overlooked the real value behind introversion ?

Have you ever been told that you’re too quiet, aloof perhaps, or ever been described as guarded, a little reserved , cool or maybe even a loner, worst still haughty ?

As a society we struggle with individuals who are private and self contained. From  the moment we begin our schooling right through to our career development we’re constantly reminded of the value of emotional intelligence, connection and the importance of being social. If you’re described as a people person its seen as a real compliment. Mainstream stereotypes and bias mislead us into believing that to be labelled the introvert then we must obviously be seen as damaged goods, social misfits who are painfully shy, anxious and withdrawn. Its considered so shameful in fact that many of us actually lie about our personality profiles preferring to be categorised within the more popular, socially acceptable extrovert league.

Extroverts appear to be overrepresented everywhere yet according to Susan Cain who has written a book on this very subject matter, introverts actually make up a third of the  total population. She also goes on to say that there is zero correlation between being the best talker and having the best ideas., how true. I have wasted many hours in board room debates listening to those that love to hear themselves speak. She believes, as I do that introverts have much to offer and far from being viewed in a negative light should actually be celebrated and encouraged.

The terms introversion and extroversion relating to our personality make-up actually go back to the nineteen twenties and the psycholgist, Carl Jung. This has formed the standard of the Myers Briggs personality test indicator. These terms actually relate to how we process ideas and where we get our energy from.

Those who prefer Introversion draw their primary energy from the inner world of information, thoughts, ideas, and other reflections. When circumstances require an excessive amount of attention spent in the “outside” world, those preferring introversion find the need to retreat to a more private setting as if to recharge their drained batteries. So being the introvert is less about shyness and more about how you respond to stimulation.

In contrast, those who prefer Extraversion are drawn to the outside world as their elemental source of energy. Rarely, if ever, do extraverted preference people feel their energy batteries are “drained” by excessive amounts of interaction with the outside world. They must engage the things, people, places and activities going on in the outside world for their life force. They are the proverbial party animals.

The Introvert Advantage.

Click here to view the embedded video.

Many companies cite creativity and innovation as their many leadership challenges and a proper balance of extroverted and introverted leadership talents would do much to counter this problem. The most creative people have a serious streak of introversion in them because solitude is a necessary part of the creative process to enable one to bring forth the ideas in the first place. Its is in this quiet reflective space that we receive our eureka moments that lead to inspired ideas. Call it an ability to access our spiritual intelligence because after all, inspiration, actually means to be in spirit and that is always the source of the best ideas. The introvert leader understands the value of tuning in and  really listening to others.

When we look back in history and reflect on some of the greatest leaders of the time it is interesting to see that many were reluctant leaders who operated out of a desire for service to others and to do what was the right thing rather than any fundamental need or yearning want to be thrust into the spotlight. Ghandi was such a leader, Martin Luther King another and Cain cites Eleanor Roosevelt as epitomising this type of leadership philosophy. In other words these people had a strong sense of values that drove their actions and behaviour and they acted in alignment with those. It was never about a popularity contest, however eloquent their communication was.

Interestingly, our focus at work tends to be on group centred dynamics. We work principally in teams, believing that the whole is always greater than the sum of the parts but what about human behaviour in operation?

Most groups conform and follow the opinions of the most dominant person in the room and the most vocal even though they frequently fail to have the best ideas. In the West we typically emphasize and place a higher value on those that act ahead of those that are more contemplative in nature. We would much rather have any kind of action than none at all yet where is the balance in all of this?

It all sounds rather egotistical to me.

We often act quickly and decisively, acknowledging our timely interventions and yet at the same time often do far more damage in the process because we haven’t given sufficient reflection to the best approach. The best ideas rarely come from group work because we haven’t yet learnt how to fully collaborate with each other and respect each others capabilities. We haven’t yet learnt how to be totally authentic in environments that typically favour the cult of the extroverted charismatic talker over the less risk averse, often more empathic and interpersonally connected intovert and we haven’t yet learnt how to really listen effectively without power play in the equation.

School environments also favour the group over the individual approach yet introverts are known to get better grades and be more knowledgeable.

As a career and life coach I absolutely value connection and empathy in all aspects of our society but its the quality of that connection that needs emphasising. We only really get deep connections with others when we truly understand them and enable them to be their unique authentic selves. This is always the place of breakthroughs in all aspects from our relationships to our ideas because there is a trust contract in place.

What do you believe about this subject, drop us a comment and let us know your own experiences and views and , as always, if you’ve enjoyed it then please share it with the introverts and extroverts alike.

Seven colours of the rainbow. Seven wonders of the world. Seven days in a week.Seven musical notes and seven continents across the world.

And according to Vedic Hindu tradtion, the human body features 7 basic chakras or wheels of energy.

Seven is a lucky number in many cultures and also noted as the mystical number but why  am I blogging and bleeting on about the number 7 ?

What’s that got to do with personal development?

It’s a challenge, that’s why, sent onto me by my blogging buddy and triberr colleague , Jen Olney at Ginger Consult to write seven random facts about myself. So not your usual every day personal development topic or unstoppable wisdom which we like to share here. I don’t know anyone who likes to talk deeply about themselves (well actually I do but prefer not to be around them for too long these days if you know what I mean!!!) . Its standard human nature, isn’t it,to blend in rather than dare to stand out and to avoid declaring what makes us magnificent, unique, different, random, alive,inspiring occasionally and interesting possibly….So here goes

1. Developing my 7 Leadership habits.

I used to work round the corner from the Seven Dials in London’s Covent Garden district which stands at the Interesection of 7 roads incidentally. Now its part of the famous shopping area but back in the 19th century it was part of a notorious slum hosting 7 pubs on each of its apexes. In those days I used to find people for jobs and jobs for people, how ironic that I now frequently encourage people to fly solo and work for themselves utilising the wonderful worldwide web and following a bucket load of experience about what really makes people happy, fulfilled and successful . All acquired from 20 plus years of observing, interacting ,coaching and leading others.Sometimes winning, sometimes failing, but always with a deep fascination for what makes the real difference. I love to see people grow and the lights come on when transformation happens and I love to learn, period.

My own brand of leadership wisdom is modelled on the 7 seven habits of highly effective people by  Steven Covey, a practical and inspiring read. He says start with the end in mind…. wise fella. I did exactly that when I set up my own business two years ago and set a vision about thriving not just surviving . It’s all about potential for me, mine and the people I assist , that means not looking back when I ‘m old and grey and wishing that life could have been so different. Its also about living every day with passion, purpose, curiosity , wonder and balance because I got fed up waiting to be happy when I retired. A very important lesson I  have learnt on my journey thus far, it’s the little choices we make and the stuff that we do moment to moment that make an unstoppable life. That’s formed my philosophy and outlook on lfe and deepened my personal nature, always give it 100 + %.

2. A Yorkshire lass born an bred.

I originally come from the North of England, an original tyke so to speak. Yorkshire is the UK’s largest county ,considered to be amongst the greenest  due to its vast stretches of unspoiled countryside earning the nickname of and well deserved title of ’God’s own country’ .

You can take the girl out Yorkshire but you can’t take the Yorkshire out of the girl !

At the famous Betty's Cafe in Ilkley, Yorkshire.

Simply put, Yorkshire folk are often stereotyped as being rather stubborn, independent and some what tight with money who speak their minds freely but have big hearts. It’s home to the famous Yorkshire pudding, the glorious fried black pudding and Betty’s Cafe where you’ll get the most amazing fat rascals (similar to a scone but rather more interesting). Growing up around Yorkshire was a great foundation and education for me. It taught me the importance of being true to your roots.Its full of colourful characters and has a very rich and proud history, an over hang from the heydays of the wool-milling Industry with many of those dark satanic mills now converted into modern day trendy apartments. The dialect is distinctive and one of the joys of heading North in my opinion. Here is one of those very famous sayings;

See all,ear all,say nowt. Eat all,sup all,pay nowt. An’if th’iver does owt for nowt,allus do it for thissen.

Translated as….see all, hear all, say nothing. Eat all, drink all, pay nothing. And if ever thou does anything for nothing, always do it for yourself!

(Now you know where the stereotyping comes from !)

3. A love of all things ancient.

My interest in history at an early age must come from my father who is sadly no longer here. He was an avid antique lover ,collector and  museum enthusiast. I’ve definitely followed in his footsteps in this regard and now spend hours browsing the stalls at antiques fairs and brocante shops, always ready for a great bargain and a rare find. Stories of sea adventures, new world discoveries and life in by gone times absolutely fascinated me and has developed a deep passion for travel overseas. Fast forward to school and Mr Ward, stands out in my memory as being one of the most inspiring role-models I’d had the good fortune of meeting. They say that its the people you meet in life that make all the difference to how you turn out and I was lucky enough to learn from one of the most talented of teachers. With a double first from Cambridge, he’d devoted his working life to teaching kids about his passion rather nobly turning down a well paid graduate position from one of the top merchant banks at the time.

4. Shoe lover extraordinaire.

I’m rather embarrassed to be admitting this as I ‘ve just counted my collection, now up to  66 pairs . I  love em all, flat ones, heeled ones, pairs with buckles, bows, peep toes, patent or matt, classy or outlandish, wedges too. Let’s just hope my hubby dosn’t read this because I ‘ve been telling him for years  that I’ve only got 46 pairs!

5. I ‘m a sucker for great movies with happy endings.

Yes, a bit of an old romantic I admit but hell there is nothing more disappointing than getting to the end of a cliff-hanging movie to see lovers getting it on and one of em getting shot . I ‘m torn between It’s a Wonderful Life with Jimmy Stewart or The Legend of Bagger Vance as my overall life time favourite. I guess its the human interest element and the stories of characters who’ve overcome their demons and found the will and the spirit to press on. I think that says a lot about what I value and for me, reading and watching the movies has got to be about inspiring stuff that helps us dream a bigger dream.

6. One of the most exhilirating (or stupid) things I ‘ve ever done.

A few years ago now I got it into my head to undertake a fire-walk and it was one of the most empowering experiences I ‘ve had. Firewalking has been practised by many people and cultures in all parts of the world with records dating back to 1200 BC. Did you know that its apparently the circulating blood that keeps the flesh on a fire walkers foot from reaching its burning point. As long as you’re relaxed and you have a strong blood flow and , of course, you keep walking. In the end its about having the right state of mind and whilst it might be a bit wacky, I can highly recommend it in terms of building a more empowered state.

The more I learn about what’s possible the more I realise how much further we can all go if we just allow ourselves the chance to play a bigger game, to seek to understand ourselves first then be understood, to quote Covey again and when we find the courage inside then we know that all of us can win in life.

7. Learning to really Listen.

I count myself as extremely lucky in life in terms of the opportunities I ‘ve had and the support of family, friends and other wonderful role models. For many years I ‘d wanted to give something back and do something more worthwhile. Well I’ve been a listening volunteer at Samaritans now for quite a while and get actively involved in all aspects of the branch as much as possible, time allowing. I lost my own brother to suicide 23 years ago, he was 18 at the time. Its a firm committment of 3 hours a week but this unpaid service, more than anything in my life to date, has taught me greater humility, compassion, non judgement and the ability to really listen to another individual experiencing despair and distressing problems. Apparently 1 in 4 of us will suffer with depression at some point in our lives, a sobering thought. It has made me a better human being in so many ways and I can’t think of a better note to end this post on.

So there you go 7 random facts about me and 6 of them personal development related I ‘d say and for those of you wondering whether I ‘ve finally conquered my shoe habit lets just say  its work  in progress!

How about you, will you take the challenge ?

Be sure to drop us a line and let us know what makes you magnificent.